oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
