Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
