Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Still dying that you shit outside
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
