when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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