Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
