I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
this just has baby written all over it
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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