first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
