It's Friday. Sex?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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