Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
