get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
