I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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