I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I need water and some morals
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
