Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
