fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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