he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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