so explain again why im purple
no
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
