is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
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