I met the friendliest cop last night
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
