I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
