Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
