trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize