capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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