He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
