So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
