the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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