either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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