need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
