By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
