i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
