Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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