the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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