It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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