Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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