thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
smell my finger.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
