i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
