I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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