Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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