there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
