As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize