I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
