You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
