If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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