I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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