WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
What a dumb baby whore.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I need to calm my uterus...
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