Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
