he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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