you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
