Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
organizing the empties. That sober.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
