It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize