i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize