Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Also, beer. Big fan.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
