who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
