i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
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