girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
