Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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