It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
