Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
