so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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