I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
