Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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