Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
