New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize