so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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