I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
