i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
