Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
